Friday, August 29, 2014

Wow! You are kidding me! A reality TV show judge got glassed??? Who'd have guessed?

If you are anything like me, you'd have greeted the news on Thursday morning that X Factor judge "Redfoo" had been glassed in an incident at a Double Bay hotel the night before with a resounding "who the FUCK is Redfoo?" followed rapidly by "WHY the fuck is Redfoo???"

Now I don't in any way endorse the glassing of Redfoo, I really don't. For three simple reasons:

1) Glassing is a barbaric practice.
2) I am against violence in pubs on principle due to the unacceptably high risk of booze getting spilt.
3) It means I now know who the fuck Redfoo is.

Of the three, the last is unquestionably the worst. I have long been aware I was not exactly "in touch" with much of mainstream popular culture, but never, until I learned of Redfoo's existence, have I been so grateful for that fact.

Now, it is not nice to glass someone. It really isn't. And sure, while you might say anyone who hangs out in Double Bay probably had it coming, it is still pretty damn unseemly, to say the least.

And yet... and yet...

I just cannot help but think... I mean... come on... who among us has not, at some point in our lives, wanted to glass a reality TV talent show judge? I call any prick that tries to deny that a goddamn LIAR!

I mean *sure*, I'll agree, as was pointed out to me in a discussion on Facebook, that if you are gonna glass one of these bastards, then Kyle Sandilands is without question the most obvious and deserving target... but, then again, by all accounts Kyle was not in the pub!

(Also, by all accounts, Kyle is gonna die soon anyway so why waste a decent glass?)

Admitting that is not in anyway to endorse the actual act, but you know, before we rush to condemn the attacker, let us all recall Jesus's wise words -- that before we judge another, we should try walking a mile in their shoes.

I mean, we might not approve of this bloke's methods, but if we found ourselves 15 schooners the worse and suddenly our goddamn pub was taken over by some prick with really stupid hair, ridiculous oversized glasses WITH NO LENSES IN THEM and some variety of costume a drunken five-year-old would feel embarrassed to be seen in ... well COME ON! Who among us can honestly say that, faced with the sheer HORROR of it all, in a sudden desire to be rid of the SMUG, PRETENTIOUS and TOTALLY TALENTLESS SHIT THAT HAS SUDDENY ENVELOPED OUR PUB... we may not have decided to take matters in hand?

It is wrong to do so. Of course it is. But that doesn't mean you can't understand where the impetus comes from.




 Redfoo. I don't know why... any of it... either.



See, in researching this blog post (the sacrifices I make), I now know FAR MORE about Stefan Kendal Gordy, who for some truly inexplicable reason calls himself "Redfoo", than I ever wanted.

It is not just the fake glasses or dumb costumes, this is a guy who is famous coz he is the son of someone who meant something in popular culture -- the guy who founded Motown Record Company -- and whose own contribution has been to form some horrific group called "LFMAO" (get it???) with his nephew.

And yes, as research, I actually subjected myself to some insanely ridiculous clips, like the one below.


 

He's sexy and he knows it.



I even watched a full performance of one his "songs". Warning: it features the opening ones: "The Foo! The Foo!"


 

'The Foo! The Foo!'


Further lines include: "I'm laid-back! I'm feelin this! Tonight's the night and I just wanna let it go! Hit the play back, I know your feelin this, c'mon baby, lets get ridiculous!"

The Foo continues:

And I love to dance, this be the beat that'll shake ya pants
Shake ya pants, yeah take a chance, and if ya can't move ya feet then wave ya hands
Wanna know a lil something bout me? (Hey!) I was born to rock the party
I was born to rock your body, I'm fresh, I'm slick, I'm ladi dadi, oh!

OH YEAH BABY!!! 

But The Foo goes on!!! I know what you're thinking! You're thinking: "Where can The Foo go from here??? He has NAILED the whole 'It is a party and I like parties' thing. .. Surely there is LITERALLY NOTHING else any grown adult could possibly want to say on the topic???"

But that is where you'd be wrong! For the Foo explains:

All the time I be seeing you at school, 
And you so fine I just had to play it cool
You blow my mind, all the crazy things you do
I see that you wanna act a fool so baby, lets get ridiculous!

YEAH! HE BE SEEING YOU AT SCHOOL!!! That is like really cool and not in any way creepy despite the fact that "The Foo" actually like turns 39 in September and, if he was at school, it would be as the geography teacher, the gardener and/or the local peodophile.

I mean, just watch as much as this clip below as you can stomach and then see if it is any mystery HOW Redfoo ended up glassed.


 

'You could be my new thang'


Now I know the justification for all this is it is deliberately and consciously cheesy and knowingly OTT.

Except I think "The Foo" plays the "let's make it really bad and pretend it is a joke" card... because he is actually just really bad.

And I don’t think his sexism is some sort of ironic act. I just think he is really sexist. Because, on available evidence, "thang" is literally how Redfoo refers to women. So for instance, when he was glassed he was, by various accounts, surrounded by a number of women. But not by his own account.

No, by his own account, he was "sitting in the back area with my mates, surrounded by some thangs". You get it? Some “thangs"!!! IE: SOME WOMEN!!! THIS GUY IS A CHARMER!!!




Did I mention the guy has no lenses in his glasses?


The Foo took to twitter not long after the attack to claim: "Jealousy is a hell of a drug."

Look, maybe. But also, Redfoo, maybe you are also just some middle-aged man in a band with your own fucking nephew who wears stupid glasses and performs totally creepy songs with sexually suggestive lyrics involving school students.

Doesn’t mean you deserve to be glassed, maybe. But also, maybe you probably don’t deserve to be on national TV and also... let’s be frank.... you should probably not be left unattended around young female school students. I mean, I am just going by your own words here, dude.

Friday, July 04, 2014

'Welcome to hell, ladies and gents'... this country needs some fucking horror country





Yodel well, and your pickings swell
And you play so hard for the folks in Hell
And they can't see nothing
...Nothin' at all

Chains to the legs, bolts to the ground
"You boys ain't leaving 'til this crowd turns around"
They don't hear nothing
...Nothing at all

The colder the night, the hotter the lights
Your sweat drips down and the crowd starts fist-fights
They hear nothing
...Nothing at all

But the air on stage is burning our lungs
And we're all going deaf from the beating drums
And you can't see a thing for all the blood
And sweat in our eyes

Yeah we played 'til we died, and now we're all dead,
But the man says "You gotta get up there again
And you can't come down 'til the brimstone turns to ice"

And you can't sing a note for the dust in your throat
We're running on empty and the bands lost all hope
'Cause they hear nothing
...Nothing at all

Welcome to hell, ladies and gents
You sinned and fell, no time to repent
And you can't hear nothing
...Nothing at all

No you can't hear nothing
Nothing ... at ... alllll.....


Welcome to Australia. It is not a very nice place.

From kicking the shit out of the poorest and weakest to dashing the hopes of any poor soul who might, out of sheer desperation (cos you'd have to be fucking desperate to dare ask the authorities in THIS shitheap for help)... well... "We're running on empty and the bands lost all hope, 'cause they hear nothing.... nothing at all..."


Bit of horror country, courtesy in this case of Graveyard Train is probably what this godforsaken hellhole needs, whether it fucking wants it or not.

Thursday, July 03, 2014

The Todd Carney Show Trial and the NRL's piss-soaked hypocrisy

For controversial sporting bans for violating common decency, forget Luis Suarez and his four-month ban from all football-related activities after the Uruguayan striker decided to taste a little Italian. If you want a truly outrageous, even disgraceful, penalty for a sporting star, it is hard to overlook the sacking of rugby league player Todd Carney.

Carney was given his marching orders by the NRL's Cronulla Sharks after a photo emerged on social media of Carney in nightclub toilets engaged in an activity that had nothing to do with the sport, any crime, or even any harm being committed against anyone at all, except, perhaps, for Carney's own sense of dignity, which by all available evidence, was pretty thin on the ground anyway.

True, the supposed activity was especially attention-grabbing -- the photo purportedly showed the 28-year-old halfback urinating directly into his own mouth in the dunnies of some club called Northies after Cronulla got slaughtered by Manly.  

(And, surely, losing to Manly is the real crime here... I mean rugby league is not my game, but I might not grasp the fucking point of a scrum beyond giving players a chance to shove their head up other men's arse without having their sexuality questioned, but even *I* understand the importance of beating those over-privileged North Shore Tony Abbott-backed Manly bastards.)

The result was Carney was tossed aside for that greatest of crimes for major sporting codes and clubs -- the crime of generating embarrassing headlines. 

No one has stopped to ask whether, if Carney's idea of a good time is pissing in his own mouth in some dodgy nightclub dunnies, that is really a matter for him. He wasn't asking for society to grant him permission, or even to pretend to understand what seems a pretty fucking weird fetish.

He was just a bloke standing at the urinal of some shit club getting snapped while trying to piss into his own gob. 



We all have our own way of unwinding.


Worse, the guy who took the photo, who said “I went into the toilet, found Todd there, he asked me whether I had heard of 'The Fountain’,” actually clarified that “the urine never went into his mouth”.

It seems it was just a prank, a party trick designed to make it look like he was pissing into his mouth. Much like, as his manager helpfully explained, when people stand in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa”. You know, so it looks like the tower is their dick. 

Look... no one has ever accused Todd Carney of being in anyway classy or even vaguely highbrow, but if being a bit of a gross dickhead was grounds to sack professional sports players, well fuck, there'd be so few available for selection, I could probably get a run on the half forward flank for my AFL side, the goddamn Essendon Bombers (and actually, given the combination of a seriously shit forward line and the threat of ASADA suspensions over illegal supplement allegations, I am half expecting a desperate phone call from Bomber Thompson anyway).

True, Carney has some form. He has been repeatedly done for drink-driving and got done for driving dangerously without a licence (while allegedly drunk). He has even been accused of causing harm to others by setting fire to some poor bastard in a club in one case and even pissing on a bloke in a different club in another.

And yes, I know that last case seems to indicate something of a urine fetish, but at least in the recent case, he was only pissing on himself! Surely this is progress for which he should be congratulated!

Now, OK, I will grant you, on a scale of injustice between 1-100, Todd Carney not being allowed to run around a pitch in tight shorts wrestling other thick-necked boofheads struggles to even reach a single digit when, at the same time, our own fucking government jails more than 1000 children indefinitely in isolated hell holes for no crime asides from belonging to families forced to flee repression. 

But on the scale of hypocrisy, it is through the fucking roof. Because what is so outrageous, so unutterably disgraceful, is that the NRL does have a real and widely documented behavioural problem... and it has nothing to do with urine at all. It is found in the repeated allegations against NRL players of serious acts of violence against women -- including many accusations of rape. 

And I know of no case in which allegations of rape or bashing a woman has led to the immediate and direct sacking of a player. If there is such a case, it is a clear exception. The rule is the club, and the NRL, forms ranks around the players and tries its hardest to make the issue disappear.

Carney commits no crime and hurts no one -- but gets sacked. But, as a Mamamia article entitled Hey NRL when will you ban players who bash women? points out, a petition campaign was started in 2012 to try to convince the NRL it should actually terminate the contracts of players found guilty of domestic violence – of which there were two at the time.

And as to rape, the allegations, frequently of a gang rape variety, have really piled up over the past 15 years or so.  In each case, the cry from the club and code is the players deserve to be considered “innocent until proven guilty”.

But really, even without looking at the documented difficulty women have in getting rape allegations proven through the courts, we don’t not need to dwell on any particular allegation to get a clear, unambiguous sense that their sheer number, featuring many players from several clubs, indicates a serious fucking cultural problem among professional rugby league players.





The July 2009 issue of Cleo.


And this is what is so outrageous about the Todd Carney case. It is that the code and club lost their shit over one stupid photo in which no one was hurt and it seems to have been staged anyway, while doing worse than nothing over what is clearly a deeply engrained and widespread culture of violent misogyny.

The NRL and individual clubs happily ride roughshod over gang rape scandals involving their players. NRL clubs have even selected players to play the very week they were publicly named as alleged rapists.


If you are alleged to be involved in a gang rape, not only is your career far from finished, as Carneys seems to be. You can even look forward to a successful high-profile media career. Can’t you, Matty Johns?

And that fact is 1 million times more sickening, more stomach turning and more utterly, unspeakably foul than anything Todd Carney could ever do to himself with his own bodily fluids. 




Monday, June 16, 2014

What the FUCK is your problem? And what the FUCK are you going to do about it??? ASK CARLO SANDS THE ANSWER!!!

This is one fucked-up world *positively filled* with lunatics claiming to have the answer to all kinds of insane shit. Like Iraq.

Right now, as I type, Iraqi cities are falling to Sunni fundamentalists. So ... who do the media ask for suggestions on what to do about it? Tony Blair.

And you'll never *guess* what he said to do! NO REALLY YOU WON'T! HE SAID *ATTACK THE PLACE AGAIN*!!! REALLY!!! HE DID!!!

That's right. That was the response of the fucking lunatic, deluded, lying, war criminal who, with his even *more* demented mate George Bush, led the "Coalition of the Willing" in to systematically destroy Iraqi society against the opposition of literally the largest and more viseably expressed global opposition to anything ever in human history. They then unleashed a wave of death and destruction that left at least 1 million Iraqi people dead.




"Described as 'the largest day of international demonstrations in history', an estimated one million people in London marched against the planned invasion of Iraq in what is widely accepted as the biggest ever political demonstration in Britain. They joined betwen six and 10 million people in 60 countries protesting against the invasion. On the morning of the march, Tony Blair spoke of 'bloody consequences' if Iraq was not confronted."


So yeah, if you want advice on how to FUCK UP IRAQ, then Jesus Christ, Tony's your man. If  you want to know how NOT TO SCREW IT UP EVEN MORE, well ask ANYONE ONE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD who isn't Tony Blair or his cronies among the "leaders of the free world" who ignored vast majorities in their own countries to go and commit the strongest contender so far for the Crime of the Century.



Yeah, maybe we *don't* listen to a lunatic, deluded, lying war criminal on what to do about the country that was the victim of his horrific, unspeakable crimes. 


My point is... you got a problem... you ask an *expert*. And I am here to tell you there are few people with more experience with *problems* than CARLO FUCKING SANDS. YEAH I'VE GOT MORE PROBLEMS YOU'VE HAIRS ON YOUR HEAD! SO GO ON!!! TRY ME!!!

Yes, finally *all your dreams* have come true! I'VE DECIDED TO BECOME AN AGONY AUNT!!! LEAVE YOUR QUESTIONS *IN THE COMMENT SECTION* BELOW AND I'LL ANSWER THEM... ON THE BLOG!!! PROBABLY!!!

I think I shall *also* assign you a relevant Tom Waits song. Coz nothing soothes a troubled song like the crooning of Tom Waits. Unless, of course, you specifically ask me *NOT* to dedicate you a Tom Waits song, in which case, I'll give you two.

SO ASK ME A FUCKING QUESTION *IN THE COMMENT SECTION BELOW* YOU GODDAMN SAD-SACK LOSERS AND I WILL PROBABLY GET AROUND TO ANSWERING IT SOME TIME BEFORE THE GLOBAL WARMING-LED COLLPASE  OF ECOSYSTEMS RENDERS HUMAN CIVILISATION NO LONGER VIALBLE!!! MAYBE!!!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

It is nice when your efforts are appreciated


Hey, look, not a problem! Seriously dude, it's my pleasure! It is just nice when someone appreciates your efforts, you know?

(Heads up to Ben for pointing out the existence of a sign dedicated to my life's work.)

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Dear ... I LOVE COAL!

"Coal sector muscles up to green activists". So read the headline of a PR fluff piece op-ed in The Australian on Monday morning.

It said: "Australia's coal industry is hitting back at its vocal opponents and returning fire with the tools used by anti-coal activists as it steps up its campaign to gain support for the struggling sector."


And so said struggling sector has pooled its resources to launch a website as "part of a multi-million-dollar campaign that will include television advertising, an enhanced social media program and increased political engagement".


The aim of this initiative of the Minerals Council of Australia is "to give a voice to the sector", The Australian reported in piece that quoted representatives of large mining corporations on all the good work they do for communities but not a single representative of any of these communities who are up-in-arms protesting and blockading eternally grateful for the joy coalmining brings to their lives!


Now finally, after far too long, this downtrodden sector has a voice! And not before time, because the website's homepage explains: "Coal in Australia is under attack from powerful groups"! QUICK! TO THE INTERNET!!!


And so the website was launched with its own Twitter hashtag #Australiansforcoal to allow what the MCA calls the "silent majority" to speak out against the greenie commie extremists and let the world know how much all TRUE AUSSIES LOVE giant lumps of black coal!





All true Aussies LOVE coal!!!


Tragically, proving just how *powerful* the evil forces the coal industry is up against truly are... the hashtag merely provoked sustained and still ongoing ridicule.


But in all the excitement about the hashtag, the website itself has been almost forgotten. This is a shame because it is highly informative.


It features sectors on jobs (they employ people! how could anyone oppose an industry that employs anyone?); the economy (they make large amounts of money! how could we oppose an industry worth $118 billion?);  energy (they produce a lot of energy! WHO KNEW???); and, my personal favourite, the Great Barrier Reef (they... ah well they really just claim dredging and dumping to expand coal does not actually damage the reef, coz what are they gonna say that's positive? "Coal makes the reef grow faster! YAH!"?)


And, learning from their enemies, they have a section where all TRUE COAL LOVING AUSSIES can "Take action!" and stand up for the voiceless, powerless victimised coal billionaires and "Send your MP a message!"


Inspired by the site's convincing arguments, I thought YES I WILL SEND A MESSAGE! THE WORLD MUST KNOW MY LOVE OF COAL! And I was going to send the message, but I discovered one important difference with their enemies. 


Most sites that seek to get people to send off some message of protest or support, in a bid to make the process as quick and easy as possible for the busy internet procastinator, provide a ready-made email so you can simply click "send" and return to scrolling through Tumblrs of cute kittens ASAP.

But such sites let the more thoughtful, should they wish, provide a little of their own voice to the message, to alter it or even write their own from scratch. As the sites often say, personal messages will get more attention. And so, as much as I appreciated Australians For Coal's pre-written message, I wanted to let my elected representative hear a bit of Carlo Sands' own voice. I was extremely disappointed to find the message ENTIRELY UNALTERABLE! You have to send their pre-written spiel WORD-FOR-WORD.


Well, coal giants are not the ONLY ONES who don't like having their voice silenced by powerful forces! And so, here is the message I wanted to send, in which I sought to slightly expand the points Australians for Coal raised in their original email. They are minor changes and you probably won't be able to tell what they are without a close analysis of both versions, so I really don't know why they are too scared to let supporters add their own thoughts.


* * *


Dear ...


The Australian coal industry employs about 50,000 people directly and pays wages and salaries worth more than $6 billion per annum. AND THIS IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT IS A WELL-KNOWN SCIENTIFIC FACT THAT NO OTHER INDUSTRY IS PHYSICALLY CAPABLE OF PROVIDING JOBS! THE ONLY JOBS PEOPLE WANT ARE DOWN COAL MINES! IT IS LIKE THIS TOTALLY COOL HIPSTER RETRO 1940s THING! NO ONE WORKING IN COAL WOULD BE CAUGHT *DEAD* WORKING IN A RENEWABLE ENERGY JOB LIKE WHATEVER SO UNCOOL SO OBVS THE ONLY WAY TO EMPLOY *ANYONE* IS TO MINE AND BURN COAL!!! AND SO WITHOUT COAL WE'D ALL BE EATING BABIES IN THE STREETS! BABIES!!!


It employs a highly skilled workforce, including mine operators, engineers, geologists and skilled tradespeople. AND NOT BABY EATERS! THAT IS IMPORTANT SEE ABOVE POINT! The industry pays some of the highest wages in the country and provides support for education, training and apprenticeships and contributes tens of millions of dollars annually to fund community social infrastructure. GREAT COMMUNITY SOCIAL INFRASTRUCTURE LIKE THE ABBOT POINT COAL TERMINAL FROM WHICH MILLIONS OF CUBIC METRES OF SAND AND MUD WILL BE DUMPED IN THE GREAT BARRIER REEF MARINE PARK! A GREAT COMMUNITY PROJECT AND FUN FOR ALL THE KIDS NOT LIKE THAT STUPID REEF THAT JUST GETS IN THE FUCKING WAY OF ALL OUR COAL-LADDEN SHIPS! HOW MANY APPRETNERSHIPS HAS THAT FUCKING REEF PROVIDED? THANK CHRIST IT WILL SOON BE GONE ...AH... I MEAN NOT IN ANYWAY AFFECTED BY DREDGING!


The coal industry also provides indirect employment for around 150,000 Australians, mainly in rural and regional Australia. YEAH AND IT'S LIKE A *FACT* THAT NOT ALL OF THEM WILL DEVELOP SOME SORT OF SERIOUS HEATH PROBLEM RELATED TO COAL MINING! SOME MIGHT BE OK! MAYBE! I MEAN THEY MIGHT DIE IN A GLOBAL WARMING-RELATED EXTREME WEATHER EVENT INSTEAD!


These jobs are under attack from activists and extremists determined to shut the industry down AND GODDAMN WE WOULD HAVE GOT AWAY WITH IT, TOO, IF IT WASN'T FOR THOSE MEDDLING KIDS!


I am writing to support the 200,000 Australians who work in the coal industry and I urge you to support them too. COZ THE COAL INDUSTRY WON'T! HA, IT'LL CHUCK 'EM ON THE SCRAP HEAP AS SOON AS PROFITS AREN'T HIGH ENOUGH! SO YOU BETTER BELIEVE THOSE WORKERS NEED SUPPORT!


If you want the facts about Australia’s coal industry please visit www.minerals.org.au. IT IS A TOTALLY UNBIASED INPARTIAL PEER-REVIEWED JOURNAL THAT IS NOT AT ALL RUN BY BILLIONAIRE MINING GIANTS WITH HUGE PROFITS AT STAKE!!! HAHA!!! NO IT IS JUST A SITE MAINTAINED BY A BUNCH OF INTERESTED PEOPLE OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF THEIR OWN HEARTS COZ THEY ARE TRUE AUSTRALIANS WHO JUST *LOVE* COAL!!!


Yours sincerely,


Carlo Sands (NOT A COAL BILLIONAIRE! I KNOW RIGHT! WHAT CAN I SAY I JUST LOVE COAL! A LUMP OF COAL IN EVERY POT! COAL FOR BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER! IT IS THE AUSTRALIAN WAY!!!







And oh my,
Well i hear the sound of horses' hooves
Come the middle of the night
And oh my,
Its time to get your gun license
I see four horsemen riding through
A cold and endless night

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Life, CityRail and Shovels and Rope

I am going to write an epic novel all about a man whose train is four minutes late. Just four minutes late. Not very late. Just the exact amount of lateness to FUCK EVERYTHING UP. AGAIN. Thereby driving the man to leap off the unbearably overcrowded platform and sit on the tracks and contemplate the meaning of life in the four remaining minutes before the train puts him out of his agony.

It has a happy ending — the train is actually SIX minutes late, giving him a full two minutes more of contemplation! And in those TWO EXTRA MINUTES he contemplates some of the MOST AMAZING THINGS ever contemplated in the ENTIRE HISTORY of HUMAN CONTEMPLATION! And (SPOILER ALERT) in a FINAL TWIST, just as he stood up on the tracks to impart his wisdom to the platform overcrowded with sad, desperate people hating everyone and everything around them, to FINALLY let them know the TRUE MEANING of life, the TRAIN CAME and they ALL CHEERED FOR *FINALLY* THEY COULD FUCKING GO HOME!

I think I'll call it "FUCK YOU CITYRAIL".



A rare sight: a CityRail train arriving.


In other news, I have decided not to bother following the news any more. Instead, when I wake up, I'll just get two large rusty nails and drive them straight into my eyeballs. It saves time, and efficiency is the new watchword according Our Overlord's Accountant Joe Hockey.

No longer can we can assume we are entitled to be depressed unspeakably by the news, we must take the initiative and stand on our own two feet and just imagine all the horrifically depressing things this bunch of neo-fascist reactionary racist misogynist poor-hating scum are getting up to.

Therefore I say thank christ for the likes of Shovels and Rope, the glorious husband-wife country duo from South Carolina. (I REFUSE TO USE TERMS LIKE "ALT. COUNTRY" AS THOUGH THIS KINDA SHIT IS SOMEHOW "ALTERNATIVE" AND NOT *REAL* COUNTRY! NOT PROPER OCUNTRY! JUST SOME SORT OF INDIE HIPSTER FEEBLE IRONIC STAB AT COUNTRY! BULLSHIT! THIS KINDA SHIT IS REAL COUNTRY! ALL THE POINTLESS CORPORATE-MANUFACTORED CRAP SHOULD BE CALLED "ALT. COUNTRY". I AM SORRY GARTH FUCKING BROOKS IS NOT COUNTRY! NOT COMPARED TO SHOVELS AND ROPE! NOT EVEN IN THE SAME FUCKING GALAXY!)

Here are a coupla tracks for ya all. No worries, buy me a beer sometime.




Well all this chasin after sunsets, all this shootin at the moon
Got us drinkin from the gutter pickin food out of the broom
Well it ain't hard to second guess yourself
When you're dressin up a wound
Ain't that the truth
That's the truth ...

So now there's grass, cocaine, alcohol, and pills
Yeah they might even drag you under or help supplement your bills
It just depends what you need worse, be it the money or the thrills
Well, I could use both ...


ALL THE FUCKING WORDS!





'And if that ones for the winner, this one must be for me...'

Yeah, here are ALL THE FUCKING WORDS.

Well I'm going through the motions
Seems it happens every night of every week
Well it's an ever running cycle
And the chance of breakin out of it seems weak
Well my mind becomes a freight train
And it never lets me get no decent sleep
Oh
Well my head starts a worrying about all the little things I cannot change
And my heart it starts a pounding
Messing up the way the blood goes through my veins
Oh
I never dream of nothin pleasant
I'm always lost or gettin booed off of the stage

Well the west coast was a desert
And New York City black
So I spent some time in Carolina
Make my money back
There's a trail of blood that trickles down from Denver to the sea
And if that ones for the winner, this one must be for me

Oh
Well there's this busy little corner
Half a mile down the road from where I live
Where all these beautiful women
Work the sidewalk for the little take and get
Oh it's like an escalator walkway
I just mind my own bus, make sure my money's here
Well I got this friend, he takes his money down there every day
When he gets done from work
He asks for Georgia cuz she's special,
She reminds him he's a man he has worth
Oh but I don't judge him cuz he's honest
Which is more'n I can say I've been since birth ...

So if you're led into a wasteland or made to stumble through the dark
You leave the cartoon color legacy or a common watermark
We always back the underdog because he's the only one we trust
And if that ones for the winner, this one must be for us